“’David, you’re better than this. Don’t stoop to the level of petty revenge when you’re called to be a wise ruler of an entire kingdom.” - Jackson, Among Kings
A few years back, I was taking an all-day boot camp to prepare for a project management certification. Our class was held in the conference room of a hotel with limited dining options. The few cafes in the building closed at 1:00 pm. Our lunch break was from 1:30 – 2:00. This left me and my coworker to go driving around in a hungry haze, trying to hunt down food in 30 minutes or less. Oddly enough, he and I react the same way to hunger: we space out and eventually shut down. I guess this is better than a fit of rage. But deciding on a place, in a hurry, and navigating there when you’re both operating on empty (literally) became quite the daily challenge.
It reminded me of the acronym H.A.L.T. It stands for: Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. It comes from the wisdom of the 12 step program it’s meant to be a gentle reminder that your decision making can be compromised by your emotional or physical state. And it’s particularly true when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. For example, have you ever tried to grocery shop when you’re hungry? It’s a bad and very expensive idea – trust me.
Have you ever tried to win an argument when you just want to go to bed? Another recipe for disaster. And it doesn’t matter who you are – celebrity, royalty, etc. All of us are part of the human condition and we have these very real vulnerabilities. We can’t change them, but we can be aware of them.
King David was no exception. (Although in this story he hadn’t yet ascended to the throne). He came across the field of Nabal and asked for supplies and received not just a “no”, but a denial wrapped in offense that David would even ask. Who did he think he was anyway? I suspect that at this moment, David was suffering from at least one of the conditions of H.A.L.T. In fact, it is very likely since he has arrived at the field of a stranger, and is currently seeking supplies, that he is experiencing all 4 states simultaneously. Probably the worst possible state for a wise decision.
Now it’s good to be aware of this, and to pull yourself away from navigating, negotiating, or whatever lofty task you’re trying to accomplish if you can. But it’s even better to surround yourself with friends who can recognize when you’re in this state, and can run in to give you some relief.
When I first heard this story, I was honestly surprised that Abigail was lauded as a heroine. It seemed to me that she was acting in her own best interest by keeping the peace. And in the short term, this may be true. She prevented certain bloodshed at her home. But in the long run, she did so much more than that. As Jackson states, she prevented David from stooping to the level of the murderous men who were hunting him. She played a part in preserving his royal destiny.
Finding an Abigail who can save you from yourself when you need it so badly you can’t even see it is critical. If you have one in your life, count yourself lucky, and tell them how much you appreciate them (they probably don’t know how crucial they have been to your success.) If you’re still searching for this kind of friend, keep praying and get brave enough to reach out. And ask God who you can be an Abigail for.