“When I was younger I was looking for this magic meaning of life. It’s very simple now. Making the lives of others better, doing something of lasting value. That’s the meaning of life, it’s that simple.”
~ Temple Grandin
He was somewhere on the spectrum. Although, being raised in the 1980’s, autism research was in its infancy so an Asperger’s diagnosis was a long way off. Still, it would have given his parents some answers, some relief to know that this condition had a name. It was more than just a personality quirk. It was as if everyone around him was speaking in two languages simultaneously. One was the spoken word – direct, succinct and clear. But the other was one of tone, gestures, eye signals, micro-expressions and timing. The far majority of communication was what wasn’t being said, and he only had a mental translator for the first language.
His family and friends were not entirely sure how his life would turn out. Of course, he had a job and he had friends. But would he be able to thrive with the daily complexities of marriage communication? Could he advocate for himself when he deserved a raise? A promotion? Would he be able to pick up hints and indicators in real time and adjust course accordingly? Were these things that could be taught?
The day he announced he was getting ready to propose to his girlfriend, I, along with many other loved ones, collectively held our breath. Oh, if I could just bubble-wrap his heart in case it gets fumbled and dropped along the way…
A few years into his marriage, all seemed to be going well. A marriage that can withstand 2 moves and several job changes in the first few years is a strong one by anyone’s definition.
But then something miraculous happened. Through the prodding and encouragement of the Holy Spirit (made audible through his wife), he did something I never saw coming. He signed up to be a foster Dad. And in doing so, he signed up to be someone’s hero, and a someone he hadn’t even met yet. I wondered, and worried again. Did he have what it takes? I don’t even know if I could do this, and I pick up on every emotional signal. How could he?
And yet, God had a plan for the most unlikely hero all along. His baby girl, (we’ll call her Allison) is a vivacious one year old. She toddles around on unsteady feet with so much excitement and curiosity. She wants to meet everyone, discover everything. She wants to grab the world with cute chubby little fingers and squeeze it for all it has to offer.
But what blesses my heart more than anything is to see her smile when she looks at her hero. We sometimes don’t think we have what it takes. We think about “being a David in our own generation” as Jackson states, and we picture a job description with qualifications miles long. Not a chance. We think we’re too old or too young, or not experienced enough. Or perhaps we’re very self-aware and we know we struggle with anger issues or addiction or depression.
But there is a part of God’s plan that is so simple we miss it. We simply have to choose to be a part of it. My friend simply (literally) signed up for it. I think if he had waited until he felt qualified, he’d still be waiting. Maybe it never would have happened. But Allison didn’t need her hero to be perfect. She just needed him to be there, and willing to try. God didn’t need David to be perfect, and He doesn’t need you to be either.