The World We Never Knew

I remember the day like it was yesterday.  I was standing in the breezeway of my high school, watching my crush as he headed toward the door.  He had invited me to hang out and in the pit of my stomach, I knew it was a bad idea.  Even though I had no good excuse to render, something quite literally stopped me from saying yes.  A gust of wind picked up some dust and in no time, I was doubled over in a coughing fit.  My crush awkwardly headed towards the door and as soon as he was out of sight, the coughing stopped.  In a strange little moment, I had been protected by nothing more than the wind.

Another time I was at the park, watching my kids play when I saw a woman nearby, hands shaking.  Something told me to go talk to her and as I did, she cried and told me she was struggling with an addiction. As we talked and prayed, I held her hands and reminded her that God was with her.  I remember her hands intermittently squeezing mine - an impulse she couldn’t control.  I believe God sent me to her that day and I’m forever grateful for that. These stories are so little, so ordinary, that they would be easy to just mentally file as coincidence. 

I sometimes think about my small life and look on with wonder at a series like ‘The Chosen’.  What if I had lived back then?  Who would I have been in that story?  If you’ve ever seen the series, I’m sure you’ve been fascinated by the vulnerable characters and the beautiful landscape.  It’s also striking to view a completely analog world – no devices in sight. But the most captivating part, is putting a face to the name Jesus.  Can you imagine getting to hug Jesus?  Or ask Him a question?  What would it be like to take a walk, share a meal or hear the creator of our world crack a joke? 

When you think of how epic that would be, it’s crazy to imagine that Jesus said that what we have today, the Holy Spirit, is even better.  In John 16:7 Jesus says, “…very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away.  Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.” 

Now the disciples had to hear about this after they had watched Jesus be crucified and raised to life again.  If ever there was a time to pepper Jesus with their questions, this was it.  And yet, He still said it was better for them if He went away.  As hard as this is to grasp, they lived in a world we never knew – a world without the Holy Spirit.  Only they can speak to what life was like before with Jesus incarnate, and after with the Holy Spirit.

In our very digital world, in stark contrast to Jesus’ time, it takes intention to tune into the voice of the Holy Spirit.  Attention has become a very valuable commodity that we often have to work to reclaim it.  But when we do, we experience all of what the Holy Spirit brings to us: Guidance, Encouragement, Comfort, Intercession, Conviction and Spiritual Gifts.  The disciples got to see some of these traits for the first time in the tangible person of Jesus.  But we were gifted these from the very first moment we chose faith.

The Question of Free Will

“You think you could be happy hear?” – The Beast

“Can anybody be happy if they aren’t free?” - Beauty

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” – Galatians 5:13, NIV 

There is YouTube-famous influencer called Terra Green who creates his own worlds out of glass terrariums.  Viewers watch as he creates a mini ecosystem, and watches it thrive from above.  Then, to keep it interesting, he’ll add insects, rainstorms and even surprise predators and watch the drama unfold.  What underpins his enduring popularity is something subtle.  Within that small glass rectangle, he has complete control.  It might just be a tiny little microcosm, but within that space, he has absolute authority.  Nothing happens outside of his knowledge and planning.  When you think about it like that, it’s easy to see the appeal of these popular videos.  This is particularly true when we feel our own lives are so vastly outside of our control. 

We can control effort, but we cannot control outcome.  We have free will over our own feelings, but not those of our loved ones.  And even if we’ve raised them the best we can, our children will make their own decisions, and this starts as soon as they learn the word, “no”. 

It makes me wonder, if we had the opportunity, would we have given our own creation free will?  It’s very risky.  The God of our world put 7 days worth of His infinite time into creating us in His own image and then He just…set us free.  Free to love Him, or free to wander off.  Or free to wander off, change our minds and come back to love Him.  Free to hurt ourselves or each other.  The possibilities for both elation and devastation are infinite.  What would we choose?  How would it intertwine with each other’s choices?

And what if the stakes were even higher?  What if giving our creation free will meant that we would have to humble ourselves to their level, live in their world, and someday sacrifice ourselves, just to offer them an invitation?

Jesus set out to do what no other “deity” had done before – to live among us.  He didn’t demand our love through threats and holy lightening bolts, but instead shared it by example. That’s a huge break from the posture of standing over your creation, amused by the perils and obstacles they have to withstand.

Of course, there was a good reason.  As the statement goes, “If you can’t say no, you can’t really say yes.”  In order for us to choose God, there had to be a second option; another door we could walk through.  And this choice is how we can actually be in an authentic relationship with Jesus.  It would have been much easier, and even safer, to create a race of robots.  But real love has to be accompanied by choice.  And as we’ve heard, “If you love something, set it free”. – Anonymous.

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” – Galatians 5:13, NIV  

Pain in the Center of God’s Will

“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:28

Imagine for a moment that there is a newcomer in your small group.  He is the second youngest son in a huge and complicated family.  When the group begins sharing prayer requests he reveals that his older brothers are bitterly jealous of him and he feels a sense of impending doom.  A longtime member pipes up that God surely has a better plan for him than living with a competitive set of stepbrothers.  The group agrees and immediately begins asking God to remove him from this situation, and perhaps, provide a new living space altogether.  The next week, the man doesn’t show up for your group and you soon discover his siblings have sold him into slavery.  The shock is palpable.  Why didn’t God answer his prayer? 

The familiar story of Joseph is timeless and not just because most of us experience sibling rivalry.  It also shows us that God’s path for us is good, but it can also be long and winding and just plain unpredictable.  If we had our way, God’s plan would never involve one of His children being falsely accused, incarcerated, or suffering physically. 

We want to be like the character Michael in the movie Click, who gets a universal remote that lets him skip all the uncomfortable parts of life.  Just the good stuff please.  Michael finds himself fast forwarding through all of the pain, anything boring or unpleasant and before he knows it, he has zoomed past most of his life and missed all of the depth and meaning.  Human life can be pretty pedestrian and repetitive.  But purpose and growth flourish more in the daily toil than in the highlights of life. And when it goes from daily life to frightening or tragic, it is very easy to assume we’ve slipped out of God’s will. 

My mother wrote about this in one of her prayer journals, “…I spent a summer working at a Christian conference center, a beloved spot that I’d grown up attending with my family. I grew so much during that time and made many treasured friends. I decided I wanted to return the following summer, but God said, “No.” I was crushed and humiliated. I felt unwanted and unsure of where my future was headed. But God knew I needed some focused time with my parents…it wouldn’t be long before I would be out of their home and on my own. That summer was full of happy memories, bike rides and time with my folks that I would never get again. I have never looked back at the summer with regret.  In time, I found that the times in my life when God said ‘No’ deepened my trust even more.” 

There are times when God’s answer of “no” or “wait” really is a sweet victory in the long run.  We can look back in retrospect and realize that if we could see the whole plan, we would have chosen the same as God. It would be ideal if every answer from God could be wrapped up in a bow like this. But sometimes we won’t get a satisfactory reason in this life. We won’t always get an answer to the why.  A dear friend of mine and I will often quote this verse to each other in those times, “And even if He does not…” He is still good (Daniel 3:18).    

It took me some time to come to terms with losses in my own life.  I wanted to be angry at God for being the cause of the breakup, the layoff, the miscarriage.  How could He stand over me and orchestrate this grief?  In time, I came to accept that this is earth, not Heaven, and we are all vulnerable to the tragedies of this broken world.  He was never standing over me, in those moments of pain. He was always right next to me, weeping beside me.  And even if I didn’t know it at the time, I could be deeply in pain and still be in the center of God’s will. 

“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.” John 10:28

The Judas Question

Growing up, my school library had a series of books called “Choose Your Own Adventure”.  Instead of simply being a passive reader, these books gave you a sense of autonomy.  And this was fairly novel because in childhood, your choices are limited.  You may get to choose your outfit, but not your meal and not your school.  Life is stable and predictable.  In adulthood, our choices are legion.  Sometimes it is a gift and other times, the weight of each one can be paralyzing. 

But our free will is by God’s design and it is precious.  During Easter time, I tend to think about 2 of the disciples and the various paths their lives could have taken.  To me, there are parallels between the lives of Judas and Peter.  Both Judas and Peter were beloved disciples in Jesus’ inner circle.  Jesus prophesied about both of their actions, and both turned away from Him…repeatedly.

But there is a distinct difference in the condition of their hearts.  Our human justice system considers pre-meditation to be a key factor.  The planning that goes into one’s actions shows continuous intention.  Judas took the time to strike a deal and arrange the date and time he would turn Jesus over.  Peter denied Jesus out of panic and sheer terror.  In a court of law, Judas would certainly be sentenced more severely.  But Jesus doesn’t rank sin the way we do.  He doesn’t withhold His mercy. 

This leads me to a question that I’ve pondered my entire Christian life. I wonder, if he had repented, would Jesus have forgiven Judas?  The kind of radical forgiveness that Jesus practiced convinces me He would have.  Peter could have chosen to run and hide when he heard the rooster crow the third time.  His moment of shame could have overwhelmed him just as it did for Judas.  But instead, Peter turned towards Jesus, repented and was foundational in building the church.  And Jesus not only accepted him, but publicly reinstated him.  He asked Peter, “Do you love me?” three times to atone for each one of the denials.  And I believe that if Judas had chosen differently, his story would have had a different ending too. 

Even in our everyday lives, it's so easy to feel like it’s too late to break a long-standing habit,  or heal a neglected relationship, or even forgive ourselves.  We live in the natural world where we only get so many second chances.  But the free will we have to pick a different path is lifelong, as is His radical forgiveness.

Peter foreshadowed the kind of forgiveness he would receive in Matthew 18:21-22. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how often shall I forgive my brother if he sins against me?  Up to seven times?’  Jesus said to him, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”

When Did He Know

Born in a stable, and on a mission to save the world…it sounds like every superhero origin story we’ve ever created.  There were so many tender moments – mundane, everyday moments of feeding and rocking, playing with His siblings and going to and from the temple.  He was raised under the watchful eye of a king that had planned to murder Him as a baby, nevertheless, he grew.  He thrived.  He had the strength and skill of a carpenter surrounding a heart that was bleeding with empathy for a hurting world.

And I wonder, when did He know His fate?  How many years of carefree childlike innocence was He afforded?  Were there ever moments of carefree childlike play that weren’t clouded by a looming fate, a sacrifice that had to be made?  Did He struggle with anxiety?  It would have been very human if He did.  Certainly in the garden, His anxiety, torment and isolation were overwhelming. How many crucifixions did He walk by during His travels?  And how old was He when He looked up and recognized His future?

I would like to believe He did have those innocent moments.  That He grew as we all did, first with the growing, learning mind of a child and then slowly learning the harsh realities of His world.  I want to believe His mother was unclear about the prophecy of the spear that would pierce her heart too.  I hope there were some moments of blissful ignorance as He grew.  I hope His heart was guarded by the Father and that He could experience the childlike faith He treasured. 

And I hope for us this season that we can be overcome with the true weight of a gratitude that sees the layers of sacrifice.  That we see the very human experience of a young man with his mother and siblings, His friends and a mere 33 years of life on this planet.  I pray that we see His humanity, worship His divinity, and that we feel the depth of His love. 

Never Enough

“Towers of gold are still too little. These hands could hold the world but it’ll never be enough…for me.” Jenny Lind

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21

He waited breathlessly in the wings to see if his latest gamble would pay off.  And it had better pay off.  Here, he had sunk all the profits from his family’s first successful business.  It was a miracle that his business had grown through the tough landscape of the economy the first time around.  Now, it was all on the line again.  He watched from stage left as the lights came up.  “…I hope she can sing.”  And there, to the wonder and bewilderment of all, came the most exquisite voice that had ever graced the stage.  The ballad grew and crested into its signature chorus, “towers of gold are still too little, these hands could hold the world but it’ll never be enough, never be enough…for me.” 

The anthem swelled into the balconies, and into the heart of her investor and new admirer, P.T. Barnum. Diving headfirst into this new revenue stream, Barnum began touring with the singer, Jenny Lind, playing to ever larger audiences until finally, even that was not enough.  After experiencing all the admiration and riches their traveling performance could offer, she wanted more.  This time, she wanted his heart too. 

As you may know from watching “The Greatest Showman,”, thankfully, the fantasy ends there.  P.T. Barnum finally realizes that what he was striving for – stability, family and happiness – was waiting for him at home.  He had found what he needed, and passed right on by, because he could not sense when he had “enough”. 

As we approach the Lent season, I wonder how well we can sense “enough”.  How are our satiety signals when it comes to shopping, or alcohol or even endless scrolling to zone out?  How do we know when we’ve zoomed right past self-care and into self-indulgence? 

Practicing Lent today feels downright counter cultural.  It feels like something we need to practice; not something that comes naturally.  It is easy in a consumeristic culture for self-control to be an atrophied muscle.  After all, self-control is not profitable.  It requires a reshaping of our mindset to know that more is not always better. It means trusting that when our request is answered with “wait”, that could be a gift.   

I don’t personally come from a spiritual background that emphasized Lent, but I do think it’s essential to have some seasons in our lives that are celebration and some seasons that are restraint.  If you haven’t decided how you want to walk through the Lent season yet, I would encourage you to think about where your attention is currently, and how you can refocus on Jesus.